Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hopeful yet slightly anxious anticipation

I've finally done it. I finally made a Dr app't about my shoulder. I gave up a few years ago and decided I'd just have to live my life in pain, and I'll just suck it up and deal with it. Only problem is that now instead of just shoulder pain, I'm having serious flare-ups. Actually, I think this is beyond a flare, that sounds like a temporary increase in pain. My flare ups are kind of like that. Limited movement and increased pain. Those I can deal with. The newer problems that seem to be increasing in both frequency and intensity are awful. My should spasms and many other muscles spasm with it until my ear is pressed to my shoulder (hard enough to cause bruising) and my arm is curled up against my chest, and I lose feeling in my fingers and it feels like the muscles back there are tearing apart. I am unable to move and unable to do anything about it. So far it has happened when David is around and he spends an hour or so working on the muscles to relax them just enough so that I can sleep it off. It doesn't fix the problem, but after an "attack" I am utterly exhausted and need to curl up and sleep. The recovery time varies as does the intensity of the attacks. They can be triggered by doing something, or I could just be sitting in the wrong position. Kind of hard to avoid that. It is really really painful, and I know I need to do something about it. I am very prayerful that the Dr will be able to figure out something that will help me because I have told a few people that I am at the point where I am willing to consider amputation as an option. I don't think it would help, but I feel like I could adjust to one arm easier than I could these attacks. I know that seems melodramatic and really kind of dismissive of amputees, and I can assure that is not at all how it is meant. It's just that I truly cannot continue to live this way. The problem is that I hate Dr's. Not the people, just going to see them, it makes me really nervous and I always have this feeling that they won't believe me. That they'll think I'm making it up to get meds. (In reality I'd way prefer not to have meds and still have some left from my last visit after my wreck in 03.) I know it's silly, but it's kind of like that wasp/bee phobia I had. My mind tells me it's silly, but my emotions still react.

So the app't is this afternoon and we're about to leave and I'm very anxious and very very hopeful. I'm really praying for some answers. I'll update later.


dailyhalfdozen said...

So I got an injection into the shoulder joint to numb it up and was supposed to have muscle relaxers too but he doesn't know anything about nursing and meds so no meds is the answer. I'll also have PT 2/week for a month and we'll see how it goes.

Jeremy and Andrea Ritchie said...

Hope you are feeling better today! I can ask my dad if he knows any good doctors for that (don't know the right title) if you want (since his job is babysitting doctors, lol).